October 31, 2010
Hello everyone! I wanted to take this time to wish everybody a very happy and healthy Halloween!
November 6, 2010
If you want to have a cruelty free Thanksgiving and not turn Thanksgiving into a national genocide, I recommend checking out www.goveg.com
Also, to all my veg-heads out there, if you love cooking, one of the best sites on the net is www.vegcooking.com This site has enough recipes to make your head spin!
Also, I recommend going to www.alleycat.org to become an advocate to help cats nationwide. Be a hero for the homeless and less fortunate!
I love you guys, and as always, stay scary!
November 13, 2010
Hello everyone! Hope everybody is in great spirits and good health. I have been catching up on some eerie entertainment, especially some good movies. For anybody that likes a good scare, I recommend the following movies to check out:
1) The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari: The first horror movie ever made, and one of the best at that. Silent, shot in black and white, and released in 1919. Surreal and nightmarish.
2) Halloween: The spookiest and most intense slasher ever filmed. Multiple sequels filmed, and Rob Zombie made these movies a lot more intense with two of his own. Try to watch these back-to-back-to-back. I tried once, but i gave up after Part Five.
3) Dead of Night: Ultra-rare black and white movie to find. Filmed in 1945, and told in five supernatural tales. This is the movie "The Twilight Zone" got the idea for the "killer dummy chasing after his ventriloquist owner scenario." Try to watch this in the dark with all the lights off. It gives off the same paranoid feeling "Paranormal Activity" generates.
4) The Wolf Man: 1941 Lon Chaney, Jr. classic. This never fails, as this is the first and scariest werewolf film to date. The Howling, Wolfen, Bad Moon, and An American Werewolf in London are all worth a look. (An American Werewolf In London has perhaps the best opening of a horror film I have seen. One of my personal favorites).
5) Although not a movie, if you can find an online podcast for "The War of The Worlds," by Orson Welles, this one-hour radio broadcast originally aired on October 30, 1938. This broadcast had a million plus Americans believing that Martians were invading Earth! You can't get better than that folks!
Now that's terror-tainment!
November 20, 2010
Hello, everyone! I wanted to wish all readers a very happy and healthy Thanksgiving! This year I plan on having some Tofurky and popcorn with jellybeans. (a' la "Charlie Brown Thanksgiving"). Enjoy the day, and remember the meaning of Thanksgiving: Be grateful for everything you have, no matter how small it may seem. Love you all and stay scary!
November 29, 2010
Hi guys. I just got finished and highly recommend the following horror books as part of your reading list:
1. Clive Barker's Books of Blood 1-3
2. Night Shift by Stephen King (Some of his best)
3. The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty
4. Strange Highways by Dean Koontz (Great!)
5. Interview with a Vampire by Anne Rice
6. Complete Stories and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe (Ultimate Collection)
7. The Hellbound Heart by Clive Barker
8. Fountain Society by Wes Craven
9. The Road by Cormac McCarthy
10. Blindness by Jose Saramago
Enjoy! And as always, stay scary!
January 1, 2011
I would like to wish all my boils and ghouls a very Happy New Year's Evil! For the holiday season, I have been catching up on some creepy Christmas classics. Does anyone remember those nostalgic Christmas movies "Silent Night, Deadly Night?" Those fun films in which parents groups raised a riot due to the films portrayal of Santa Claus as a homicidal killer? Fun Stuff.
This film also gave me a great Halloween costume idea. What you do is during Christmas time, you buy a Santa Claus outfit. Wait until Halloween. When Halloween comes calling, whip out the Santa suit and spray it all over with fake blood. This makes the outfit look devastated and whacked out. And as a special accessory, buy a bloody butcher knife to match the outfit.
Hopefully, no children were naughty this year!
Stay scary folks!
January 22, 2011
We all have different tastes in horror. In today's world of intense gore and extreme violence, story telling has become the lesser medium. But what, you say, can hold up to today's horror legacy, and still manage to shock and horrify the general public? Personally, I believe in classic literature. Particularly, classic short stories. Today's jaded readers and movie viewers salivate at the notion of blood and guts thrown in our face. But as time passes, like any good thing, we all will eventually become bored. That's why classic story telling will never die folks. Just think about it for a moment. The scariest stories and movies you have watched lack blood and gore. Has anyone ever noticed how creepy the movie "Night of the Hunter" was? Or how about the first "Halloween" film? Believe it or not, very little blood there. I can name a slew of these films, but for a moment, I want to shift your attention to some highly recommended short stories. These stories continue to shock and horrify, as well as stand the test of time:
1. "The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson. This was first published in the New Yorker way back in 1948, but still manages one of the best twists in literature history. You will be shocked.
2. "The Monkey's Paw" by W.W. Jacobs.' All I can say is, be careful what you wish for.
3. "The Tell-Tale Heart" by Edgar Allan Poe. Guilt has a way of getting us all to break.
4. "Heart of Darkness" by Joseph Conrad. Classic and dark.
5. "The Turn of the Screw" by Henry James. Great ghost story. Old school.
Enjoy! And as always, stay scary folks!
February 16, 2011
Hello guys! I hope everybody is doing well! Tell me, is it a good idea to tell a cannibal to "eat your heart out?" I was just wondering. For those of you who are close to me, you all know that I love cats. They are intelligent and very spiritual animals. Which brings me to this thought: Can any one name me a great horror movie based on cats? Personally, I enjoyed Stephen King's "Cats Eye," as well as "The Cat People" (old school Simone Simon -1942 film). Others as questionable. For instance, "Night of a Thousand Cats," has awesome box art. But the movie itself is wacky. How many times have I've been guilty of going to the video store and buying a dvd simply for the fact the box art is sweet? But when I go home and pop it in the dvd, utter shock!! And not because I'm scared, but because I just blew 20 bucks on this garbage!! Ugghh! Utter aggravation. But, moving on back to the cats. "Strays," a made for t.v. movie back in 1991, had me gasping for air. No, not because I was in a state of shock and horror, but because once again I had blew my hard-earned money on this crap! There is a scene in this movie when a woman is acting terrified of an "evil" wet kitten. Yes, folks, you heard that right. An actress in this movie actually tries her best to act completely terrified of a soaken' wet kitten!!! What the hell!?! Seriously? I almost immediately shut off my video player and rushed to the video store, demanding my 99 cents back! Oh geez the horror of it all!! But back to the cats. "The Black Cat," by famed italian director Lucio Fulci, has some guts. Violent and frantic, and when you see the cat, you know some evil stuff is about to come down! That's the way I like my evil cat films. The cat representing a sense of power and will is the way a cat in horror should be presented. Now, let us all shift our attention from the movies to stories. Edgar Allen Poe's "The Black Cat," is perhaps the most disturbing short story I have read. Check out the following link: http://www.underworldtales.com/classic/poe/blackcat.txt I know you all will enjoy classic Poe! You can also check out a cool short story by S.E. Schlosser called "The Wampus Cat," at http://americanfolklore.net/folklore/2010/08/the_wampus_cat.html
Can anyone come up with some scary tales based on cats? Oh yeah. We are all familiar with "Cujo," but we need our own cat version of "Cujo," and I am silently sitting back slowly plotting the next cat to take the world by storm. Until next time boils and ghouls, stay scary!!
March 25, 2011
Hi Boils and Ghouls! Below is a cool top ten list of the creepiest places to visit in America: (A word of advice: Bring extra underwear!)
1. Bermuda Triangle Location: Atlantic Ocean---You may disappear off the face of the earth!
2. Roswell Location: Roswell*, New Mexico---Site of the famous 1947 alien incident.
3. Winchester Mystery House Location: San Jose, California---Constructed in 1884. The most bizarre house in America.
4. Gettysburg Location: Gettysburg, Pennsylvania---The site of the deadliest battle of the Civil War took place here in 1863.
5. Salem Location: Salem*, Massachusetts---Infamous witch trials.
6. New Orleans Location: New Orleans, Louisiana---Voodoo Baby!
7. Tower of London Location: London, England---Notorious place of execution and death.
8. Paris Catacombs Location: Paris, France---Bones and dark catacombs. Nuff’ said.
9. Haunted Hollywood Location: Hollywood*, California---Be sure to take the haunted hearse ride!
10. Lizzie Borden Bed and Breakfast Location: Fall River*, Massachusetts---Awesome! You can spend the night at the actual crime scene!
April 30, 2011
Hello fellow boils and ghouls! I have been watching some really gross movies lately, and I want to share them with my fellow horror freaks!
1. Bloodsucking Freaks: Drilling a hole in a woman’s head and sucking out her brains with a straw is just something you can’t get at the soda shop!
2. Make them Die Slowly: Cannibalism, torture, castration, oh my!!
3. Lucio Fulci’s Zombie: Maggots galore!
4. Re-Animator: Head Cheese!
5. Mark of the Devil: The cats sure don’t have this lady’s tongue!
6. City of the living dead: Puke out your guts!
7. Bad Taste: Humans as fast food! Tasty!
8. Dead Alive: One of the best!
9. Guinea Pig Flower of Flesh and Blood: Sick stuff folks!
10. Maniac: Spinell Lives!
If you guys can survive this sick garbage, I salute you!
May 29, 2011
Scaring people is fun and entertaining. Acts such as following people, making scary noises, turning off the lights, and playing dead are just a few of the ways of scaring friends and family. My personal favorite is sneaking up behind somebody while they watch a scary movie in the dark and grabbing them. Why scare people you may ask? Because scaring people brings better memories than a Kodak commercial! Below are a few of my tips and tricks on the scare trade:
1. One way to scare people is to dress up like a zombie. (Make sure to groan, shake your head wildly, and make your body convulse. Just like being at a Joe Cocker concert.)
2. Set fake spiders and snakes in places that people are not expecting them to be, like on the couch next to them or in a cabinet. (Or try fake cockroaches with water on them. Realistic and gross, a combo you just can’t beat!)
3. Placing fake severed body parts in food, cabinets, drawers or beds is a way to give people quite a fright. (Or they may think they are in a sick cannibal movie, which is being filmed in your house.....for real.)
4. Find someone watching a scary movie, with the lights dimmed or off, and sneak up behind and grab her shoulder. (This is a guarantee to make someone go poopie in their pants)
5. Halloween is a good time to scare people, using costumes and/or makeup. (Try Christmas)
6. If scared enough, some people may faint. Be careful not to scare someone so much that he has a heart attack. (Which may be funny as hell!)
7. Some people may try to attack you after they recover from fright, so make sure that you are prepared to defend yourself. (And if you can’t, run like hell!!!)
8. Remember that when you scare people, you might find someone who will scare you back. (Be afraid, be very afraid!!)
9. You might make some people angry or resentful by scaring them. (Sleep with both eyes open boy!)
10. When scaring someone, make sure he is not driving, using dangerous equipment or eating. (If you scare someone while driving, hitting a little old lady may make you die.....from laughing so hard)
Until next time boils and ghouls...stay scary!!!
August 13, 2011
What's up boils and ghouls! It's your fright master with the most Ed bringing you some wacky monster jokes! Be warned before reading: Some jokes are cheesier than Velveeta!!!
What brings the monster’s babies? The Frankenstork.
Did you hear about the monster who went to a holiday camp? He won the ugly mug and knobbly knees competition and he wasn’t even entered.
How does Frankenstein sit in his chair? Bolt upright.
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other? I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
How did Frankenstein’s monster eat his lunch? He bolted it down.
Why did Frankenstein squeeze his girlfriend to death? He had a crush on her.
How did Dr Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster? On a piece rate.
Frankenstein was sitting in his cell when suddenly through the wall came the ghost of his monster, with a rope round his neck. Frankenstein said, “Monster, monster, what are you doing here?” The monster said, “Well, boss, they hanged me this morning so now I’ve come to meet my maker.”
What happened to Frankenstein’s monster on the road? He was stopped for speeding, fined $50 and dismantled for six months.
What does Frankenstein’s monster call a screwdriver? Daddy.
What happened to Frankenstein’s stupid son? He had so much wax in his ears that he became a permanent contributor to Madame Tussaud s.
Dr Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 per cent glue and 50 per cent aspirin. Igor: But What’s it for? Dr Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
Igor: Only this morning Dr Frankenstein completed another amazing operation. He crossed an ostrich with a centipede. Dracula: And what did he get? Igor: We don’t know – we haven’t managed to catch it yet.
What happened when Dr Frankenstein swallowed some uranium? He got atomic ache.
Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein invented the safety match. Igor: Yes, that was one of his most striking achievements.
What do you call a mouse that can pick up a monster? Sir.
Why did the monster stop playing with his brother? He got tired of kicking him around.
What do you call a monster with a wooden head? Edward.
What does a polite monster say when he meets you for the first time? Pleased to eat you!
How do you tell a good monster from a bad one? If it’s a good one you will be able to talk about it later!
October 1, 2011
Every day is Halloween! It needs to be written in law. That is what I want to convince Congress to do. We should all create and sign a petition to make Halloween an everyday holiday! Now, enough politics! It is the perfect time of the year to go trick or treating and looting and throwing eggs at old ladies and forcing someone to eat shaving cream pies and so on. It is also the time of the season to show off your carved pumpkins. But what to do after you carve your pumpkin? You roast the pumpkin seeds! Here’s how: Scoop the seeds of your pumpkin into a bowl. Clean the seeds as soon as possible. It is easier to clean them when they are still wet with the inside of the pumpkin. Use cold water. Dry the seeds with paper towels. Place on a cookie sheet in a single layer. Spray a light coating of non-stick cooking spray. Shake on some table salt. Bake at 325 degrees for about 25 minutes. Let cool and eat! Are you excited yet? Me neither! Want a cool idea? An idea that will freak your mom out when she sees you? An idea that will make people call the ambulance on you? You do!? Well then! This calls for some red fluid. How would you like to make fake blood and run around the house looking like a victim from Friday the 13th? Here’s how: You will need 5 tablespoons corn starch, 2/3 cup corn syrup, 1/3 cup water,4 teaspoons red food coloring ,a couple of drops green food coloring.Mix the corn starch with the water, make sure it is totally mixed, then add the corn syrup, again make sure it is mixed well. Add red food coloring into the mixture, then add a couple drops of green food coloring to take the "pink" edge off the red coloring. Viola! Buckets of blood in an instant! I also have a cool recipe for grasshopper guts at my disposal.Now what kind of sick maniac would serve grasshopper guts at a Halloween party? Your host with the most, that’s who! To make this stuff, you will need:3 cups chow mein noodles, 1 cup peanuts,1-6 ounce package butterscotch chips. In a saucepan, melt butterscotch chips over low heat, stirring constantly. Remove chips from the heat and stir in peanuts and chow mein noodles. Drop by teaspoons onto waxed paper and cool. Makes 30-40. Wow! That’s a lot of guts. Remember guys, next time someone calls you a freak, tell em’ thank you!! Until next time boils and ghouls, stay scary!
October 31, 2011
I want to first wish everyone and their families a very happy and safe Halloween! Also, if my fellow boils and ghouls want to be scared this Halloween, check out this cool website: www.hauntworld.com It features a cool search in which you enter the city/state you live in, and directs you to the nearest haunted house! Bring your wife and kids, mummy and deady, and even bring grandma! Enjoy your Halloween guys, and remember first and foremost, STAY SCARY!!!
November 23, 2011
Hi boils and ghouls! It's that time of year again to be grateful for what you have. However, it is also the time of year when turkeys uprise to fight human beings. I call it "The Revenge of Gobble Gobble." What are the turkeys fighting for you may ask? For the right for humans to eat Tofurky! That's right ladies and gents! No more mass genocides for turkeys on Thanksgiving and Christmas! It's time for all of us to eat delicious Tofurky vegetarian feasts. Trust me, its best to eat Tofurky. Why? Because soon turkeys will overthrow us, and lock us up in mass slaughterhouses. They will dangle us upside down, and slit our throats. Then they will throw us in scalding hot water while they sing "Jingle Bells"! You don't want this to happen to your family do you? Then make that $20 investment in Tofurky today! Until next time boils and ghouls, don't screw with the turkey!!
December 24, 2011
Merry Christmas to all my boils and ghouls! If any of you guys are staying up late tonight to try and sneak a peek at Santa Claus, be careful! I heard from some elves that this dude punishes naughty children in their sleep. So if you were bad this year kiddies, Santa may take an axe to your forehead! Sleep tight and to all a good night! Stay scary!
January 14, 2012
Hey guys! I got my book "Night Shivers" featured on Canadian T.V.! Check out the link here:
February 25, 2012
October 13, 2012
Greetings, boils and ghouls! Your Fright Master Ed has been busy lately enjoying all things sick, twisted, and fun. Most recently, I visited Luna Park in Coney Island, New York. It was the annual “Nights of Horror” event. As soon as I entered the park, I was bombarded with an onslaught of evil clowns, scarecrows with axes, living dead girls, and devil boys. (Just like being back in High School!) My ticket entitled me to eleven rides and two haunted mazes. So let’s get this show rolling! The first ride I went on was “The Tickler.” It was a roller coaster variation in which you sat in a circular shaped seat. The cool part of this ride is that the seat spins slowly around, amidst drops and such. The best part? A backward falling drop! The next ride I headed for was “The Brooklyn Flyer.” This was a personal favorite. You basically sit in a swing-type two seater. The ride lifts you up very high in the sky, and spins you around lightly. It’s so cool because you feel like a flying bird! (Just make sure you didn’t eat any tainted carnival food. No one wants chunks of puke rain on them from above.) Next up was “Wild River.” I loved this water ride since I was a little boil. You sit in a huge log, and have two separate drops. One of which is a twenty foot drop, the other being a forty foot drop! The best part of this you ask? No seat belts!! And it was cold!! After getting incredibly wet, I charged over to the “Electro-Spin.” You basically sit in a locked-in seat around a huge circular disk. The disk rotates and spins on a U-shaped track. You feel that you are going to hit the ground face first with these drops. Of course I went on this ride twice!! What do you think I am? Nuts!?! Next up was the “Coney Island Sound.” Ever imagine what it would be like to be a musical note? This is a ride in which you sit in a seat and get jerked violently up and down. Ha! Next for me was the “Coney Tower.” Nothing scary at all with this ride. You sit in a seat and the ride lifts you up mildly and drops you mildly. I thought I was back at Grandma’s place!! “Hang Glider” was next up. This had a cool premise. You lay down in a seat face first while it spins you around. You feel like Superman on it. Just where the hell was Lois Lane? “Lynn’s Trapeze” was calling me. This ride was a variation of the “Brooklyn Flyer” except it did not bring you up very high. Boring!! I went next to “Surf’s Up.” You stand up on this ride, while it gently sways you back and forth in a surfing motion. They should have called this “Surfing with Mrs. Daisy!” Seeking a thrill, I jumped on “Circus Coaster.” This was a family friendly mini coaster; however, it had some pop to it! “Air Race” was the only ride in which you rotated and got spun around upside-down! I could feel my pretzel coming up!! Now, after all the rides were finished up, it was time for the dreaded haunted mazes. First up, “Cudie Farm.” This was great. You had realistic looking scarecrows jumping out at you in all directions. They were lying on the floor, hiding among the crops above you, and reaching out to grab you. One scarecrow had a metal rake that he slammed down in front of me that sparked when it hit the concrete. One scarecrow thought he was in the NHL and checked me right into a hay pile. The most frightening part for me was when a scarecrow walked me into a fog so thick, that I could not see in front of me. And guess who I was greeted by? A charging werewolf in a farmers outfit! Holy Crap! The end of this maze was wild and scary. You had to walk through a makeshift slaughterhouse in which two huge farmers with pigs masks (see the movie “Motel Hell”) charged you with chainsaws!! That wet liquid on my pants is definitely not spilled soda! After cleaning up my pants, I went to the “Coney Carnival” maze. Clowns galore! One female clown got into my face. She was talking a lot of trash. She asked me if I thought she was creepy. Yes Ma’am! You had a creepy female fortune teller with burning incense claiming “He is right ahead!” Uh oh! Who is up ahead? I could only move forward, showing only my bravest face. The dark, cold corner ahead of me had a sick looking butcher’s market, full of body parts and a zombie holding up his bloody, decapitated head. Next up I could see a pig (Probably Babe) which had a large axe embedded in it. It was a bloody mess, and creepy. Good thing I’m vegetarian. Next up, you had to walk through these two huge inflatable bubbles. What the hell was on the other side? I didn’t know, because you can’t see a damn thing! I took a deep breath and walked through it. And to my surprise, who greeted me in the middle? A freakin’ huge and hideous clown! The bastard chased me out of the maze! But before I left the maze to safety, I had to safely get past two clowns with sickles in hand. One of them had mercy on me and let me pass. Thank you clown! Unfortunately the little boy behind me was not so lucky. I survived the Coney Island “Nights of Horror!” Hooray for me! This calls for a celebration. Bring me some pretzels, cotton candy, and funnel cake!! Until next time boils and ghouls!
OCTOBER 27, 2012
Good evening boils and ghouls. It is your Fright Master Ed ready to take you to another Halloween adventure! Next up on my list was going back to Coney Island and “Creep show at the Freak Show!’ This was fun and insane. It was a theatrical stage show that featured six different presidents, and at one point, had Bill Clinton assassinate J.F.K! You also had Richard Nixon as a spider, F.D.R with his bloody handicapped legs, honest Abe with his axe, George Washington with a huge booger hanging from his nose, and Barack "Blade Runner" Obama with an alien voice! And don't forget the drunken janitor who narrated all this crap! Just another insane slice taken from the Halloween pie!
October 30, 2012
Hey boils and ghouls! My dark poetry appears in Issue #50 of Blood Moon Rising Magazine! Check it out: http://www.bloodmoonrisingmagazine.com/shortstory5013.html
Have a very safe and a happy Halloween!!
January 16, 2013
Hey boils and ghouls! My dark poetry appears in Issue #51 of Blood Moon Rising Magazine! Check it out:
April 10, 2013
Hey boils and ghouls! My dark poetry appears in Issue #52 of Blood Moon Rising Magazine! Check it out: http://bloodmoonrisingmagazine.com/shortstory5213.html